Breakup musings, take 1

Getting dumped sucks majorly.  Getting dumped by a guy who you thought was actually decent (currently ignoring the problems that were present in the relationship.  Anger about those will come later), someone you thought you could happily build a life with, and who dumps you using basically the same thing that another guy you liked said?  (In this case:  "I like you, I think you're a great person, but I don't feel we would ever have that romantic connection needed to take our relationship to the next level"... Or, as translated by my voice teacher:  "Thanks for the fuck, but that's all I wanted.")  That makes you want to curl up in a ball and not go out into the world ever again.  Sadly, being a college student taking summer classes makes that particular wish impossible.  So, instead, I am going to pour out my anger, frustrations, musings, and realizations here on the internet for anyone and everyone to see.  Why? ...  Because I actually want feed back on my self assessments, and writing these things in a journal that will only be read if I share it is too damned time consuming.  And besides, nothing says healing like bashing your ex in the first couple of blog posts and then totally forgetting about him as you move down the line... I think.  I'm still emotionally exhausted from being blindsided by this breakup.

For those of you who have also been recently dumped, I have a book suggestion for you:  _It's Called a Breakup Because It's Broken:  The Smart Girl's Breakup Buddy_ by Greg Behrendt and Amiira Ruotola-Behrendt.  One of my girlfriends suggested the book to me, and I bought it (along with about 5 other self-help books) and read it in one day.  They have really good points, and I have made a pact with myself to keep re-reading the book until some of the points actually stick (Granted, my ex dumped me about 12 days ago after being together for almost 16 months.  I think I'm entitled to a little numbness... But I digress), and they use humor in the book to help give you something to laugh over in a not-so-entertaining situation.

I've done some... okay, *a lot* of self-reflection in the past 12 days.  I keep wondering what I could have done to have not had this happen, and what happened that led to this turn of events in the first place.  Sadly I don't think I'll ever know the latter, and dwelling on the former won't help me grow that much (though it would be a good thing to know to not repeat with a future boyfriend).  I've also realized that being raised on the Disney Princess movies and other movies of that genre did not help how I view relationships.  Thanks to Disney I want the handsome prince to come sweep me off my feet and take me away from the "bad life" into a magical castle filled with happily ever after.  But, at the same time, I want to be the one who slays the dragon--so long as it's not Toothless from _How to Train Your Dragon_--because I don't always trust other people to look out for me.  As I have a habit of saying:  Even my issues have issues.  And the more I look at the way this and other relationships have ended for me in the past, the more I realize that there is something deeper inside me that draws me to these people who do not feel the same way about me as I do about them, and until I can find out what that cause it (going back into therapy!!!), I will remain in this cycle of falling for the guy who does not feel the same way for me, and I will keep having these fantasies that his feelings for me can and will change and that he'll fall totally and completely in love with me and we'll have that storybook life.

Anyway, it's getting close to midnight, and I have class at 0900.  I don't do well with little sleep... ^^;;

Bonne nuit!